More Realizations

I apologize in advance for how long winded and middle-schooler-ish this this post is. It started out as a response to Mallory's post, but I decided to just make it a seperate post. It's not directly related to weight-loss, but it speaks to what Mallory was talking about regarding validating yourself and not waiting around for other people to make me feel good about myself. Cuz it's never going to happen. And I'm never going to lose weight and keep it off if I'm doing it for other people. I have to do it for me.

So, here's what happened: I played bunco last weekend with some family friends. And I grew up with these people, but we were never really friends. Our moms worked together and so we were around each other a lot. In particular I felt excluded and not good enough for the girls of this group. And in my head I guess I thought I was better friends with the boys of this group because we were in 4-H together and I just thought we had some sort of bond. Not saying we were BFFs, or anything, or that we ever spent time together of our own free wills, just that I thought we were friends. So, at this thing the other night, I'm not sure what I expected. I guess I expected that we're all adults now and they would want to know what's going in my life. Because I was curious what was going on with them. Boy was I wrong. After the initial pleasantries, we had nothing to talk about. I tried to ask questions and got one word answers. Even when I asked about their children. Most people are happy to gush about their kids. And all of the sudden I was that insecure little girl again. So, I spent a few days wondering why I wasn't good enough for them. And I finally realized that they have their lives and I have mine and we are probably never going be friends. And just because they are not overly friendly, doesn't mean that it's a reflection on me. I don't know why I thought it would be some magical thing and we would all be the best of friends after nearly 30 years of not really being friends. It's ok that we're not buddy-buddy-friends. In fact, it doesn't change a damn thing. And I cannot let other people dictate how I feel about myself. I see them once every 5 years or so. Why did I just spend 3 days of my life that I'll never get back worrying about this?? Seriously. I need to try to remember that first and foremost, I need to like me. Because if I don't like myself and want to take care of myself, no one else is going to want to, either. (Is this starting to sound like an after-school special to anyone else??) And I'm a little frustrated that I have to keep re-learning this lesson. But I guess that's life; maybe I'll remember it this time...

Anyway, that's what this weight-loss business is all about - taking care of myself because I need to and want to. And I am the one who is going to make myself feel good about me. With a little help from you guys. :)