I'm a Work in Progress

I haven't even looked at this blog since I left for Denver on Dec. 28. It's so great to see that you all are carrying on and seem to be doing well. :)

Right about New Years Day I had, for lack of a better word, a breakdown. And it felt just like this whole past year of healing and trying to crawl out from under the rock I had been living under hadn't even happened. There were several factors as to why this happened (none of which were related to weight loss) and I'm not going to go into it, but basically I spent a week in a house in Denver by myself (except for the cat and thank god he was there) feeling incredibly sad and alone and scared of the world. It was horrible and I don't expect any of you to understand. What I want to get a across here is that I wasn't able to be there for people I wanted to be there for, including posting on this blog. I couldn't bring myself to even look at this blog. My anxiety disorder is such that I try to protect myself by not interacting with people and then I feel more isolated and more anxious and it spins out of control. I wasn't able to answer the phone or even check my email. I spent much of 2008 - and 2007 and 2006 -living like that and to feel that again was really scary. I wanted so badly to come home and move on with my life. Because the thing is, I am a work in progress - aren't we all? Before New Years I was thinking a lot about how far I had come the past year and how well I was doing. And while that's true, that breakdown made it very clear that I still have a lot of work to do and a lot of life to live.

I've been thinking about goals for this year, not just in weight loss, but in all areas of life. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions - too easy to set myself up for failure. So, I'm going to post something about that later this week. I'm going to start back with daily goals tomorrow and I'm going to rejoin the weigh-ins on Friday.

Happy New Year, everyone :)