Labor Day Weight

I didn't weigh today. I've been house sitting and I didn't know where their scale was and it just didn't seem that important today. I will weigh and post tomorrow. My house sitting stint is over, so it will be back to my normal routine, which may or may not be a good thing.

This last week has not been so good. My car broke down on Wednesday after tennis, which sucked. I, of course, start immediately thinking the worst. In the end wasn't too big of deal. Had to replace $9 hose and add more anti-freeze. Done and done. Unfortunately I spent the three days before it was fixed thinking like this: there's no way I can afford this right now, then I'll never get a job because I won't be able to get to interviews and then I'll have to live with my parents for the rest of my life and I hate my life and myself and I hate having my baby brother have to leave work and come rescue me at the Clifton City Market and why do I even bother getting out of bed in the morning and I'm never going to get married or even get a date because I can't even get a job and I'm going to have to get a bike and work at taco bell in clifton, but I think I'd rather kill myself than work at taco bell in clifton at the age of 29 and on and on and on. This is what my anxiety does to me. And it's hard when I'm in the middle of a downward spiral like that to realize that that's what it is. I did think at one point, oh it could just be a cracked hose and that would be no big deal, but for some reason I have a hard time latching on to hopeful positive stuff. It's so much easier to imagine the worst. So, anyway the point is, I was in a major funk for most of the week. And what do I do when I'm unhappy? I eat! And eat and eat and eat. And then I drink. And then I eat some more! So finally last night I was fed up with myself. I went to bed a reasonable hour and I slept. And I slept hard. And then I got up at 6:30 and played fetch with the puppy because she was wound up and wouldn't go back to sleep. Then I went back to bed and slept hard some more. And I have to tell you, there is something so theraputic about a good nights sleep. I feel both mentally and physically better. I feel like I can maybe I can actually do this thing now. I want to do thing. I want to be healthy, in every meaning of the word. And I know getting there isn't going to be easy, but it'll be worth it.

So, I am offically rededicated to the cause. Besides, being healthy and in good (or at least decent) shape will make my bike ride to taco bell a lot easier... Thanks for listening to my ramblings!