I had a interesting conversation with my mom a little bit ago. She's been in Florida for the past week visiting her sister and she called to see how things are going. This is how the interesting part of the conversation went:
Mom: how are doing?
Me: Ok expect I'm eating a lot.
mom: Why are you eating a lot?
Me: because I like to eat when I'm sad.
Mom: oh.
Me: and then I get fat. And then I'm sad that I'm fat. And then I'm sad and fat. So I eat some more.
And while I was aware of this pattern and had actually thought about it quite a bit, saying it out loud sort of woke me up. So, I'm going to try to get back on the wagon. The next few days will be tricky. My Gram's funeral is Friday morning, so we have family and stress and family stress. But I'm going to at least focus on drinking all of my water (don't remember the last time I actually did that) and get a couple of workouts in. Besides I know that nothing helps me more when I'm down than exercise. So tonightt after work I'm going to do some cardio and tomorrow morning is pilates, which I haven't been to in weeks. My friend Kara saves me a spot on Thursdays, which is good motivation to get up and go.
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Breaking yourself out of that cycle is so hard, so I'm proud of you for realizing it and making plans to get moving again!
ReplyDeleteIf you need someone to talk to or anything, I'm around :) Are you gonna be ok for the funeral? Would you like me to come with you? I can always ditch my kids with Vanessa. Let me know.
Well, I didn't work out after work. I was dressed for it, but I just couldn't make myself go up those stairs and get on a machine. But tomorrow is a new day and I will have someone waiting for me, so I know I will actually go. And afterward I'm going shoe shopping. I need some funeral shoes - you know, not too cute, but not court shoes either. My old go-to black heels pinch my feet and I just don't need that on Friday.
ReplyDeleteLori, thank you so much for your offer. It really means a lot to me. I will be ok. My brother and I are going together.